Nostalgia

Dear Jack,

I can divide my life into two categories- BA and AA. I've said this for a long time, and while the obvious abbreviations are misleading, (neither stand for Bachelor of Arts nor Alcoholics Anonymous) both are extremely accurate. Ten years ago today I will have left for Australia and New Zealand. My life easily falls into the before and after categories of that excursion.

I've realized this for a long time, but nothing brought it as clearly to mind as a discussion I just finished with my boss. We were talking about my current production and my multiple year goal set and plans. He made the statement that even though I'm talented, he didn't feel I was ready to branch out to New York yet. I agreed, and said that was why my plan was a multi-year set. I have some growing to do.

Our conversation progressed, each of us telling formative stories from our childhood. His involved his struggle with his sexuality, mine involved an outward expression of behavior based on an older sister whose behavior left much to be desired. But, ultimately, I said- I make decisions based on who I am and what I believe to be right.

He became very quiet. For a moment, neither of us said a word. Finally, he just sighed and said that he made his decisions based on what his current life position demanded of him.

I just looked at him for a moment before saying, "You don't know who you are, do you?"

His eyes found mine, quizzical. I tried to explain as best I could. For as much as I am the Weekend Manager of Inn on the Creek, or an actress, I am first and foremost Megan. There are fundamental things about me that will never change. Will is so caught up in being what he is that he has neglected to find out who he is. I told him that this made me sad for him.

For as much as both of our journeys are ones of discovery, my journey is from myself, to discover the world around me. Will has found the world, but lost himself. And I realized in that moment, that a similar moment has shaped my life more than I ever thought possible.

Ten years ago today, I left for Australia and never looked back.

Always,
John